Other ways to deal with problems
How to Build Potency and Increase Male Capacities A couple can almost always ensure a man has the sexual capacity to fulfill his sexual urges, and can usually increase the level of his desire as well. Both partners play an active part in this program. The woman's role includes enhancing her own sex appeal, making sure that each episode builds pleasant associations with sex for her partner, and helping her man toward sexual confidence. The man's role includes modified sexual techniques, efforts to decrease the amount of semen discharged in each sexual encounter, and steps to combat emotional issues. Spurring normal sex urges Episodes of impotence quite frequently stem from the woman taking her man for granted and making no effort to entice, excite and satisfy him sexually, while the man follows the same routine night after night, from the first kiss to the final grateful pat, without enough variety to arouse his woman's interest or to save himself from boredom. No wonder his penis, which remains erect only during periods of considerable sexual excitement, sometimes loses its erection. No matter how much you want to have sex, psychological desire is not the same as sexual excitement. A man who badly wants sexual relief through ejaculation may still find nothing to get excited about in the prospects before him. Thus when impotence plagues your sex life, you should definitely review your couple techniques for initiating and building sexual excitement. Ask yourself questions like these: As a woman: "Am I doing everything I can to keep my appeal for my man alive? Do I do my absolute best as a sex partner to excite him and please him? Exactly what could I do to give him a pleasant surprise the next time he makes advances? Am I afraid of sex?" As a man: "Am I pushing myself toward sex when I don't have a genuine urge instead of waiting for the urge to develop? How can I vary the time, place and manner of my approach enough to keep us both from getting bored? Could I stir enough further response in my woman by more intensive techniques to make her a more exciting sex partner?" You will probably find many practical methods with which you can provoke sufficiently intense sexual excitement to guarantee effective erection whenever a genuine urge exists. In applying these ideas, the chances are that you will build the number of sexual urges quite substantially, too. How to decrease discharge of semen
If your potency problem stems from trying to
keep up with your woman's desires, not ejaculating when you have sex, a process known as
seminal retention, may be the answer. You cannot build much
sexual excitement until you have a full balls waiting for release. If you
cut down the loss of semen in each episode, another charge accumulates
quite quickly. This makes further sexual activity possible long before you
would otherwise have the desire or the ability. When to retain semen Generally speaking, you should wait until you have mastered basic sexual technique and achieved a reasonably good relationship before you try seminal retention. Even then, you should always let semen ejaculate freely when you anticipate a period of sexual denial (as during the menstrual period if such is your desire) or if your partner's state of health limits her participation. However, you will probably find seminal retention useful on occasion, especially if your woman's desires exceed your own. Seminal retention often makes possible enough extra episodes to even out a couple's sexual needs altogether under these circumstances. Some men find that they can conserve semen with ease, and do so routinely. Most save this method for occasions when extra sexual activity seems likely to be desirable, as during periods of active feminine desire (which some women have at certain times of the month, especially just at the end of their period), and during vacations, holiday seasons, or other times when experience has taught that mutual desire runs high. Relatively few find this method worthwhile merely to increase the amount of sex they have when their natural level of desire already more than fulfills their woman's sexual; needs. The actual number of sexual encounters involved makes relatively little difference in deciding whether to release or retain semen, since couples' needs varies widely. Don't use seminal retention to match your pace with a mythical "normal" level. Use it to suit your relationship needs. How to get ready for seminal retention You should gain control of the necessary muscles before you attempt seminal retention during intercourse. The main muscles involved are those which surround the urinary tube at the bladder opening, whose normal action is to cut off the urinary stream. You can thus master control of these muscles by cutting off the urinary flow several times each time you empty your bladder. Other muscles involved lift the testicles up into your body and surround the base of the penis. If you try to lift your testicles and the back of your scrotum straight up into your body, you will feel these muscles contract. After you have learned to tighten these two sets of muscles at will (the cut-off muscle first, the lifting ones next), you can strengthen them by contracting them firmly for a few seconds several times daily. Since nobody can tell that you are doing this exercise, you can easily perform it while you are riding to work, finishing your morning coffee, or at any other convenient, easy-to-remember time. How to practice seminal retention After you have learned to control the muscles involved, clamp off seminal discharge by tightening those muscles one night during your final surge. This action does not interfere with other sexual movements in any way, nor do such movements cut down the efficiency of the retention technique. Finish off the episode exactly as you would if you were letting go, but keep the muscles clamped around the bladder outlet from the beginning of your final surge until ejaculation is complete. Building pleasant, conflict-free associations with sex Sexual excitement is basically a physical phenomenon. The emotional element of any sexual experience stems from the emotions you have previously felt in similar circumstances as well as from instinctive sex drive. A man who feels pleasurable security and pride in conjunction with sex today will find sexual excitement associated with these emotions later. A man who feels guilt or anxiety in conjunction with sexual enterprise today will find sexual excitement tainted with these emotions thereafter. This effect is even greater in long term partnership than in many other areas because so many circumstances are common to each sexual event: the same partner, usually the same room, often the same time of night and so on. As a couple, you can both build pleasant emotional associations with sex and avoid unpleasant or disturbing ones. You know what makes your partner feel secure and good: statements of love, compliments, harmonious discourse and so on (not to mention the affectionate display of sexual response itself). Certainly you can do your best to add these elements to the emotional flavor of sex contact. You also know what evokes unpleasant emotions like anxiety, anger, guilt and feelings of inadequacy in your partner. However, such feelings often arise in situations which involve some conflict of interest between man and woman, so that you may find it harder to do what is best for the couple (and in the long run for both partners as individuals). Perhaps the biggest problem centers on a woman's participation in sex when she has no sensual desire. Unless she makes her willingness entirely clear, her man often finds these incidents tainting his attitudes toward sex with quite, unpleasant feelings:
The resulting emotional tangles often impair potency even when the woman passionately desires intercourse, besides being disturbing in themselves. Both parties suffer as individuals, and the importance of sex as a welding tie in relationship decreases sharply. Most women gladly offer sex for their man even if they don't feel horny. This is absolutely essential in cases of emotion-blocked male sexual capacity - impotence. However, a few wives have difficulty because of two fears which both partners can help to change. Easiest to correct is fear of intolerable demands. When a woman holds her man down to less intercourse than his sex drive demands, he generally makes some kind of tentative approach each night. She cannot help but think that he will continue to do so if she makes herself more readily available. At the same time, she foresees no increase in her own sexual responsiveness and no change in the comfort and tolerability of her role in passive sex, both of which are actually quite likely to occur. Therefore she sees herself giving sex every night with no more sexual reward than she already gets, and cannot accept this prospect.
First of all, her partner must make sure
that sex is comfortable. She should be well lubricated, he should
penetrate
gradually, and be gentle. The couple should try giving him free rein for
two or three months in an agreed "experiment". The woman's main fear is
that when she gives her man complete control she will never again get back
to where she is if he demands sex too often for her liking. (This rarely
happens.) By making an agreement limited in time, she may overcome her
hesitancy. And her man must meet his woman's need for dignity and
integrity to make it psychologically possible for her to A woman who has trouble being passive can often meet her psychological need for recognition with activities outside the realm of sex. The more she feels his recognition of her worth, the easier it is for her to have sexual confidence. When a man initiates sex, he needs to feel sure of himself sexually. Any substantial doubt about either his capabilities at the moment or his worth as a sex partner dampens his desire in a hurry. This is one reason why a constantly willing woman inspires increased potency - by her actions, she accepts him as a reliably good sex partner, which builds his confidence more than anything else. Both man and woman can take further action in building sexual self-confidence, however. Several approaches usually prove worthwhile. Knowledge of sex technique helps If you have not yet mastered basic sex technique, you may find reading good material on the web helps you to be sure of yourself in bed. Heartfelt compliments build confidence A heartfelt compliment always helps to quell self-doubt. A woman who has enjoyed orgasms during sex should express her satisfaction and compliment her man's virile force. No matter how intense her physical response, she should not take it for granted that he knows the way she feels: a few, words and caresses express this better and show her partner how good in bed he is. Perhaps more important (and certainly more frequently neglected) are compliments for gentlemanly conduct of less directly satisfying bouts. A man who has brought his woman to orgasm would score himself a sexual success. Compliments mean the most in situations like these, when a man can do the best possible job without inspiring the response which automatically proves his sexual worth. Without his woman's orgasm sex may leave a man suffering from a sense of failure or of guilt. One caution, though: compliments should be genuine, not spurious or exaggerated. Set reasonable standards of success
Probably the biggest obstruction to sexual self-confidence today is the
false notion that a competent man brings his woman to orgasm every time he
tries. I doubt if any man alive comes close to reaching this visionary
goal. Less than one fifth of women reach an orgasm two times out of five
when they have intercourse. While you might improve upon these averages,
you should not consider female orgasms as essential to sexual success.
What to do it couple measures fail to banish impotency. You should wait until you have mastered basic sex technique before applying seminal retention. Learn the necessary muscular control and build up semen-retaining strength by interrupted urination and other exercises. Clamp down during the final sexual surge, and hold the muscles firm until ejaculation is complete. Emotional associations can either help or hurt potency. You can both build pleasant emotional associations with sex in marriage and avoid unpleasant or disturbing ones. Sex which the woman undertakes in loving service rather than in passionate desire can build up the male's sexual confidence, the man mainly by positive knowledge of sexual technique, the woman by freely voiced compliments and uninhibited response, and both together by setting reasonable standards for his performance. |