Men, Sex and Relationships

Of course sex is fun and also exciting. But sometimes, as we all know, things go wrong and when they do, men can feel vulnerable, weak, and helpless as well as losing their sense of masculinity.

We also know the most common problems are premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, although delayed ejaculation  is not far behind.

Now it's been said many times that some of these dysfunctions, or, to use a more gentle term, "problems", are psychosomatic. In other words, at least some of the causes, some of the time, lie in the mind rather than in the body.

Think about premature ejaculation, for instance. As you know, ejaculation is all about the release of semen from the penis at the moment of climax or orgasm.

But so often this release seems to be out of the control of the man who is making love to his partner. He can't control the timing of his ejaculation, and he ejaculates before he or his partner, or both, are ready for this to happen.

For a man, this lack of control can be devastating because it impacts a man's self-esteem in a major way.

Expectations & Reality

We men are all brought up to believe that men should have a certain ability when it comes to sex: perhaps to satisfy a woman, perhaps to pleasure her, or to give her some form of sexual fulfilment (which generally means giving her an orgasm during intercourse).

Regardless of whether or not it's easy or possible for a man to make love for long enough for a woman to reach orgasm during intercourse, premature ejaculation strikes at the heart of the belief that a man should be able to do this.

So this is the most common sexual problem, for men of all ages. It can happen from the time a man has sex and continue for the rest of his life, or it can be acquired later in life.

Interestingly enough, because men seem to slow down terms of their sexual response as they get older, it's certainly true that premature ejaculation is more of a young man's problem than an older man's problem but the truth is that it's a distressing problem for any man who experiences it.

Types of Premature Ejaculation

Broadly speaking, we can define the causes of premature ejaculation on whether or not the premature ejaculation's been identified as lifelong or acquired.

In theory, lifelong PE is caused by some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain.

This chemical imbalance seems to lower the threshold necessary for ejaculation which is why SSRIs, a form of drug used as an  antidepressant, which affect this chemical balance in the brain, have gained some degree of popularity as a quick and easy treatment. Unfortunately the side effects can be significant and uncomfortable.

Acquired premature ejaculation which is the opposite of lifelong premature ejaculation -  is often caused by anxiety around sex. The social and cultural pressures which I mentioned above, are placed on men in any kind of relationship, and often lead to anxiety.

Anxiety can speed up ejaculation. Sadly, one of the major consequences of rapid ejaculation is that it can affect a woman in a sexual relationship with a man as you may know if you are such a woman. You may not feel as much happiness with your man as you expect or deserve to have in your life.

You may even believe that his rapid ejaculation is something to do with you! But even if you don't think that, there's no doubt that it's a serious problem between you, even if it's much less important to you than it is to your man!

Erectile Dysfunction

Of course, as you know very well, erectile dysfunction refers to a situation where a man can't get an erection. This is not a disease in itself, although the name "erectile dysfunction" seems to imply something disease-like!

Often when a man can't become erect a in sexual situation, the lack of erection is a symptom of some other problem psychological, physical, or a mixture of both.

Extraordinarily, at least one man in five beyond the age of 40 has some degree of erectile difficulty. And a massive 10% of men at any one time are completely unable to become erect an extraordinary number, and considering how little the condition is talked about, one which hides an enormous amount of distress in society.

Yet in some ways this is no surprise. The mechanism of erection in the penis is very finely balanced, depending on delicate chemical reactions in the spongy erectile tissue.

These chemical reactions cause the blood vessels of the penis to relax so that more blood flows in. As it does so, the veins leaving the penis are compressed against an inelastic membrane surrounding the erectile tissue, thereby reducing the amount of blood leaving the penis and enhancing the erection. This is such a delicate mechanism that it's almost surprising so many men get an erection so reliably!

Some say age is a factor here. Well, yes, and it's important to understand that even though aging definitely has an effect on a man's capacity to become erect, erectile dysfunction is not just about getting old.

Of course it's harder for a man to become aroused as he ages, and physical stimulation as well as fantasy or emotional stimulation may be needed before a man of advancing years can reach full erection, but then again, erectile dysfunction is often caused by anxiety and can therefore affect men of any age.

Delayed Ejaculation

As for delayed ejaculation, well, this condition affects about one man in 10 and is becoming more well-known and more widely discussed. And thank heavens for that, because of all the conditions that can affect male sexuality, this is the one that has been most hidden in previous years.

Now that there is a degree of openness about it, it's becoming clear that there are many reasons why men may be unable to ejaculate, but most of them center on some kind of psychological or emotional issue with the man's partner or indeed with women in general.

While this sounds like a recipe for deep psychotherapy, it's not necessarily a problem that's difficult to solve. In fact, as we shall show you on this website, it is possible to tackle the problem at home, using treatment programs which you can buy on the Internet.

This is just as well really, considering that the impact of not being able to ejaculate! It's far more devastating than premature ejaculation, perhaps on a par with erectile dysfunction.

One thing that is very different indeed about delayed ejaculation is that it can have a profound impact on the quality of communication and intimacy between the man and his partner.

Naturally we discuss all these issues on this website, and we offer solutions which can help with any or all of these male sexual dysfunctions.

I think for me, the main issue is that there is no need for a man to suffer in silence.

Of course many men don't want to go and see a doctor or a therapist about these issues, but then again they don't need to! It's entirely possible to treat these problems at home in privacy, to enjoy sex normally, and to re-establish an intimate and fulfilling relationship with your partner. See the column to the right to find out how.

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