What Is Delayed Ejaculation ?

In delayed or retarded ejaculation, no matter how long the man thrusts in the vagina or has his penis stimulated in any other way by a partner he cannot reach orgasm and ejaculation. (If he masturbates himself he can usually ejaculate within a minute or two.) Delayed ejaculation is psychologically caused in 75% of cases.

In the rest it is physically caused and a man experiences delayed ejaculation during masturbation as well. It is, therefore, more difficult to treat than premature or too rapid ejaculation. In the ordinary course of events, ability to prolong sexual arousal responses for a long time would be regarded as an advantage. This is not so with delayed ejaculation, for the sexual tensions build up continuously with no relief through orgasm and ejaculation.

Those many men who have trouble getting and keeping their erections, or who shoot their load within a couple of minutes of starting sex may pray for their recalcitrant penis to stand up proud for hours at a time. This can cause huge frustration and embarrassment, so much so that they may wind up turned off sex altogether with their relationship crumbling around them.

A recent survey found that this condition - delayed ejaculation - affects around one man in twelve. At least, that is the number who admitted to having the experience of not being able to reach orgasm during intercourse at least once in the preceding year - and many of them said that delayed ejaculation was an ongoing problem.

Now, it's true that an occasional problem is of no concern - it can be due to tiredness or stress - but never being able to ejaculate is a fairly serious issue. So what can you do about it?

The answer, happily, is rather a lot. First, think about which part of you needs attention: the penis or the mind? If you can ejaculate during masturbation then there's a pretty good chance that you're up to scratch physically, while if you're having problems while you're on your own, there are some things you need to consider to sort out possible physical and psychological factors - and you may need some professional help to do this.

For example, do you have a medical condition, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or allergies? Are you taking medications for these or for anxiety or depression? Sometimes medications to treat such conditions have side effects that result in delayed ejaculation. If your problem coincided with the start of a new medication then head off to your doctor to discuss what can be done about this, including changing medication.

Have you had prostate surgery? If so, you may remember being warned about the possibility of a "dry" or retrograde ejaculation. In this case the ejaculatory fluid goes into the bladder instead of out the urethra. Although this is a permanent condition you may still be able to reach orgasm. A thorough evaluation and discussion with your physician or a medical specialist, such as a urologist, can establish what you may need to do.

If you have not had any health changes and/or this has been a longstanding problem, that has slowly gotten worse, then a different strategy is called for. In that case your long lasting erections without ejaculation may be caused by any number of anxiety-related concerns.

The fact is that men with delayed ejaculation are often not very aroused, even though they have hard erections: and this lack of arousal usually has its basis in a lack of emotional closeness to the partner, or some other emotional issue which affects the relationship.

Some men have conscious and unconscious worries that block their ejaculations. They may worry about hurting the woman, about pregnancy, or they may have guilt about having sexual pleasure (often religious injunctions).

They may have difficulties with intimacy and/or commitment. They may also be haunted by that nemesis of sexual dysfunctions - performance anxiety. In other words, they are just plain trying too hard. In these instances the man is so concerned about giving his partner pleasure that he loses track of his own.

Giving up control and putting yourself first is an effective route to full sexual functioning, but this can be hard to do. The best route to intimacy and equality in sex is through a series of techniques collectively known as sensate focus. These are described here. Sensate focus works because it establishes intimacy and this permits sexual desire to reestablish itself.

Some men have a need for more vigorous touch to reach orgasm than is offered by the ever so pleasurable but soft and yielding vagina. These situations can be remedied with the following exercises.

But sometimes when the problem has been around for a long time or the couple is locked in chronic patterns and impasses, the guidance of an experienced sex therapist that help the couple explore these issues and help them focus on pleasure, arousal and non-demanding touch (which means not feeling you have to reach orgasm, nor do you have to give your partner an orgasm).

The following five step set of exercises should help you on your way. If you are asking how much time to spend on each step or how long others take to "finish" the steps see the above reference to performance anxiety. Each person and each couple has a unique pace. The goal is to be able to build trust, lower anxiety, and relax with your partner -- you have a long time ahead of you to get to know and give pleasure to each other.

  • Step 1
    The resolution begins with you talking with your partner about your concerns and admitting that it's a problem. It's amazing how frequently a man who has not ejaculated with his partner for years has somehow convinced her, and even himself, that the status quo is just fine. Orgasm may not be everything -- but it does matter.
  • Step 2
    After acknowledging and discussing the situation, the next major step is just as critical, and can be just as embarrassing -- masturbating to ejaculation with your partner present (which, as noted above, is possible in the vast majority of non-medical cases). After you are successful with that the rest is easy.
  • Step 3
    Once you can relax enough to ejaculate with her present, simply substitute her hand for yours (i.e., allowing someone else to have that control).
  • Step 4
    The next stage involves gradually ejaculating closer and closer to the vaginal opening.
  • Step 5
    Finally, when you are comfortable with this and ready for the final stage tell your partner to pick a time, without telling you, and wait until you are very close to orgasm then she should insert the penis and let nature take its course.

A few final tips to maximize your success. First, do not masturbate without your partner once you start this sequence, because as you know, the more you ejaculate the lower your urgency and need becomes. Second, many men report that tensing and relaxing the muscles in their buttocks as they near orgasm can help trigger the contractions of ejaculation, so practice this exercise. Next use a lot of lubrication both pre- and post-penetration.

Finally, if the reason for you confronting this problem is to get your partner pregnant, agree to put off conceiving a child until at least three months following your completion of the above sequence. For many men there is nothing that immobilizes ejaculation like the prospect of fatherhood.

In the very rare cases of physically caused permanent retarded ejaculation, it is usually the result either of a congenital abnormality in the sexual nervous system, or damage to the sexual nervous system arising out of an accident. In both cases there is nearly always an accompanying difficulty in obtaining erection, or an inability to obtain a full erection, ejaculation eventually being reached while the penis is half-erect only.

(There are a number of paraplegics who are paralyzed from the waist down by serious injury to the spinal cord, but who, nevertheless, can obtain a full erection by stimulation of the penis. If the ejaculatory centre in the spinal cord is damaged as well, they will never ejaculate. Sometimes, however, they do reach ejaculation after a long period of stimulation, which seems to indicate that the ejaculation centre is unimpaired, or not sufficiently impaired to prevent complete loss of ejaculatory capability.)

Temporary physically caused delayed ejaculation can result from general fatigue or physical weakness brought about by illness, or too frequent stimulation to orgasm in a comparatively short space of time. The treatment for retarded ejaculation in these cases is easy. Men who suffer from this last type of retarded ejaculation are usually high-sexed men, whose capacity for erection is so sensitive and strong that they continue to have normally stiff erections. If the cause is over-activity, a rest from sexual activity will quickly restore the status quo. If it is generally fatigue or physical weakness caused by illness, rest will soon bring things back to normal.

Among the commonest psychological causes of delayed ejaculation are resentment towards a specific partner, who is usually a dominant female, in whom the man sees a threat to his virility, to his traditional male sex role. In addition, feelings of guilt, shame or sin arising out of involvement with a specific partner, can bring about retarded ejaculation. A man may have full ejaculatory control with his wife, but suffer delayed ejaculation with a casual partner. The treatment for delayed ejaculation in such cases (which are fairly rare), is more challenging because the sense of guilt, shame or sin usually prevents the man from having an erection, without which he cannot have ejaculation. All cases of psychologically caused retarded ejaculation respond to psychotherapy or some other kind of behavioral therapy.

Next: Erectile Dysfunction www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com

 

 


Unable to ejaculate when you have sex?

Don't despair! We have the answers.

If you're a man who can't climax naturally during intercourse, you're likely to be feeling down about it - to say the least. You may still enjoy making love, or you may be avoiding it because the whole situation makes you feel bad, but in either case your inability to climax will undoubtedly be having a very profound effect on you (and probably your partner).

This is not a trivial condition; we know exactly how it can impact on men, because we've seen hundreds of clients in the ten years we've been dealing with the problem, both in person and on the internet. Your partner may well be blaming herself, and even if she isn't, she may be feeling very resentful and angry. Besides offering a treatment program for you, we show you how to resolve these issues with your partner, in a simple, step by step guide to understanding, treating and healing the effect of DE.

Now is the time to do something about this; and remember, you're not alone, because as many as one man in ten has this sexual problem. Happily, there are some simple, powerful and very effective techniques which will help you to achieve a normal climax during lovemaking -  and you can discover how they work in the privacy of your own home!